WE WANT EVERYONE TO MELLOW OUT, HAVE FUN, AND FEEL SELF-CONFIDENT.

The story starts off pretty grim and dark, but I promise you that if you continue reading you’ll understand why I’m being so vulnerable and why I felt the need to share such personal and professional details.

The Scariest of Scaries for me actually had an onset on a Friday, instead of a Sunday. Yup, as you know you can feel that same pit in your stomach on any day of the week. It was in March of 2020, right smack dab in the beginning of the pandemic.

Now, I understand this wasn’t just a tough time for me, everyone on the planet was dealing with uncertainty and fear. But the events that happened on that Friday struck me like a bolt of lightning, and I felt like everything I knew was coming to an end. I felt alone af.

Late that Friday we received an email from our debt partners saying that they were calling our debt. So basically, everything we owed they wanted us to repay back immediately.

For a small business like ours, one that had only raised $30k in equity since its inception, we rely on debt in order to purchase inventory, pay our employees, and continue operations.

Well, that well dried up in one email. I just froze, staring at my computer screen like “wtf are we going to do”.

To add to the madness, I received a second email from our supply chain partner telling us that the dark amber bottles that we use for the majority of our products were going to be indefinitely out of stock.

When it rains it pours.
I couldn’t move, I couldn’t breath, I couldn’t think.

Not only did we have no access to the bottles we needed to continue to sell our product, but we had no more funding to buy them even if we did.

Also, how were we going to continue to pay our employees? How were we going to keep the friggin’ lights on?

Thoughts of imposter syndrome started to enter my mind.

Why did I not prepare for something like this? How could I not have seen this coming? Am I smart enough or experienced enough to be co-running this multi-million dollar business?

Knowing not to respond to emails while emotional, I left work to return home, and called Beau (my co-founder) on the way for support.

I can’t remember his words exactly, but it was something short and along the lines of “We’ll figure it out.” He was obviously shook too, but provided optimism.

I was single at the time so I came home to an empty apartment. I remember just walking into my place and not knowing what to do. I just stood there.

Everything was closed with the “shelter in place” mandate in effect. So my positive coping mechanisms of yoga, gym, and therapy were stripped away from me all at once. The distraction that work provides was something I didn’t want to turn to either, obviously.

I found myself popping open a bottle of whiskey and watching the news. I wanted to drink myself to sleep, and what better a way to do this than by listening to a news anchor tell me that everything is effed.

Being an entrepreneur, your emotions are so tied to the business. While watching TV, I couldn’t escape work and kept running scenarios through my head about how we were going to fail, how I try so damn hard but it just never seems to be good enough, and how this was the end of my startup journey.

Soon enough the whiskey bottle was empty. It was 2am and I tried to force myself to sleep, but couldn’t. I remember laying back in bed with the inability to breathe, which of course spun my mind on the thinking trail of “oh great, now I have COVID too.. of course.”

With the help of some Big Spoon I eventually knocked out, waking up the next day to consult with a professional about how what I just went through was not COVID, but was instead my first panic attack. Awesome.

Being fragile, I adopted this “victim” mindset for my entire Saturday. I didn’t want to get out of bed, I didn’t want to face my problems, and I didn’t want to deal with reality.

I got up once to get some water and witnessed a murder of crows on my balcony, some of which seemed to be gazing straight in my eyes. It was a mistake to Google the significance of this, since most of the results indicated “death” or “bad things are about to happen.”

You’re about a day late you damn crows, but I see you, thanks for the reminder… Back to bed.

On Sunday I woke up, still low, and remembered what my older sister, Caroline, always taught me: “Mikey, if you’re ever feeling down and out, call the people in your life that love you and make them laugh.”

Fuck it, I’ll give it a shot.
I started sending funny and humiliating photos to friends, reminiscing on the great times we’ve had together where we laughed our asses off. I FaceTimed my son, my parents, and the people most important to me in my life just to make them laugh hysterically over the phone.

Not going to lie, it was working, I started to feel better. Thanks Care Bear.
But I knew I had one last person to talk to, and that this person didn’t need a phone call. This person was me.
I literally looked myself in the mirror, said “I love you” 10 times in a row, and did something I’m exceptionally proud of.

I forgave myself.

I didn’t beat myself up for the excessive drinking and I didn’t become my own worst enemy for temporarily playing this “victim” card.

At first my “to-do-list-oriented” and “always-be-hustling-mentality” self rejected the idea, but I decided that on that Sunday night I was going to order a full pepperoni pizza to myself, eat a whole carton of Ben And Jerry’s Choc Chip Cookie Dough, binge an entire season on Netflix and have 2 glasses of wine to settle my spirits.

I decided that I was going to take this Sunday for myself and engage in some “unhealthy” healthy activities. I decided I’d tune into work on Monday and actually enjoy my Sunday. What a concept.

I don’t think I need to tell you how the story ends with the business stuff because this happened in 2020 and, well, we’re still rockin’ tf out with you.

But what I do want to emphasize is why we’re being called the “Deadpool of Wellness”.
It’s because we’re not perfect, and we don’t pretend to be.
It’s because we’re not some generic light-green colored, overly health-conscious brand. We're the anti-hero brand that promotes playfully making fun of your best friend and cheat day indulgences.

It’s because everybody deserves a hand on a difficult day and a fair shot at a Scarefree life.
And that’s exactly what we provide - with laughter, with CBD and any other way we can.